Tomorrow is Mother’s Day! On Thursday evening, Mr Toddler’s Daycare presented me with a card he had made (above), complete with a celery painting on the front. Such cuteness! The kid is an artiste, oui? (Yes, there is a bite taken out of the top, because he was being a puppy and crawling around with it in his mouth, while growling at me; somewhat ferociously it must be said). The teacher asked me did I know what I was doing for Mother’s Day? (I don’t, but I hope it includes bacon or chocolate, or even better, both). Well, what did I want to do, she asked? I got to thinking, what would I wish for this Mother’s Day, if I could ask for anything I wanted? Apart from infinity wishes; that is against the rules in these types of scenarios, apparently.
This is a wish list for Mr 18 Months, who can’t read, nor understand most of what I say, so this makes heaps of sense, not…
- It’s very cliché but I wish time could stand still. Because you, in this moment, are perfection. You are an absolute delight. I love your round little toddler belly and your big nappy bottom. Your deep belly laughs that are pure joy. The fact that your whole entire self can fit on my lap and in my arms, and does, every night, to fall asleep. Your raucous screams of excitement and your cheeky side eye that you give me when you are about to do something you know you’re not meant to (like this afternoon when you drew with chalk all over the lounge carpet in the new house we’ve been in for a week – sheesh!) That you are completely innocent, and yet to develop any mistrust, cynicism or fears (except for the vacuum cleaner, but who isn’t afraid of that). I wasn’t a “baby” person, but now that you are a “real” human, I can’t get enough of you. I want you to stay like this forever.
- BUT I also wish I could fast forward a couple of years. I want to talk to you. I want you to talk to me. I want you to tell me how your day was, not your Daycare teachers. I want to know what is going on with you, what is hurting, what is scary, what you need, without having to attempt to interpret your cries – then I can help before you get too sad! I know this will come, very soon, and I am just being impatient, and then I will miss these toddler years; can’t I please have both wishes?!
- I want to know for a 100% fact that you are always going to be OK. I’m wearing my heart on the outside these days, and it’s so vulnerable. The world is so big, and can be scary and unpredictable. And not everything is controllable, and it’s terrifying. I want a guarantee. I promise that I will always do what I can to keep you safe and well. When you are older, and I can’t be with you all the time (because #creepystalkermum) I would like you to please do the same; whether that means not running across the road without looking, eating your veges, not getting into a car with a drunk driver, saying no to drugs, or talking to someone about how you are feeling when you are not OK.
- Likewise, I want to be my best self for you, and I promise that I will do what I can do to keep me safe and well. Sometimes I don’t feel like doing the exercise and stretches I need to do to keep fit. Sometimes I don’t feel like following the diet plan. But I will get there, and get better at it, for you, and for me too. Because on my bad pain days now, when your little cherub face looks up at me wanting me to carry you, and I can’t because of pain, you cry and I break inside. I never wanted to deny you a cuddle or that feeling of safety, but I have, multiple times, and it breaks my heart to think about. You don’t know why I’m not lifting you, it must be confusing. I don’t know if it will get better, but I will try whatever I can, and then keep on trying.
- I want you to know love. I want you to feel love, and I want you to see love. I want us all to grow in love and learn more about it, and each other, every day. I want us to speak words of love to each other, and remember that words can hurt, and they are lasting. I want you to grow up secure, and to be able to pass that love onto your own friends and future family.
- AND, I want you to go off with dad for a few hours tomorrow. I am due for a long soak in the bath, maybe with the aforementioned bacon and chocolate combo, and an afternoon snooze. And if any of these wishes are manageable, I reckon this is the one! Hope you are paying attention Husby!
So, this is my uncensored, ask for whatever I want wish list. Not asking for much am I? What would you wish for if you could have ANYTHING?
I hope that all you mums have a wonderful Mother’s Day tomorrow!